I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
