My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
