he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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