So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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