on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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