he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
