So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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