I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I looked at my own cervix.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
