i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
