Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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