I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
