a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
