Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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