Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
