Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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