I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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