one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
