he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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