I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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