One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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