You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize