not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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