singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
