i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
