I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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