I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
