She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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