Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
