Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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