I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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