I want to have your abortion
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i believe in u and ur pee
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
