take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
