I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
