No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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