just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
FUCK WHALES
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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