another moral hangover. fuck.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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