The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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