Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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