Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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