i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
