He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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