I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my sisters under your porch take her home
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
