I smell stomach acid.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
