I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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