He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it glows. i had to have it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
