Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so let's talk penis.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
