This is not my ceiling
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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