Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
