My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
