be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My balls are so social today.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize