At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
