OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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