I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
