Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
