woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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