he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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