I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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