Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
