Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
