I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry about my life...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
