the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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