awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
