She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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