So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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