grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
