I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
