life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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