I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
