i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
