the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
