I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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