dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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