ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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