clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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