there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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