Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
