he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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