I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
