i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
