I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
