I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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