The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
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i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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