my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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