Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
