wrigley field is MILF paradise
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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